POSTED AT 10:18 AM in Lub Dub ng Heart

yellowbells

today i woke up feeling lonely. i miss being with my boyfriend. thought i'll be watching his gig then we'll be a-okay last night, but he didn't text or even try to reach me out. i'm trying real hard not to complain, but as each day passes i'm becoming more and more useless, maybe even nonsignificant to him.

hay, i wanted to avoid thinking about these things but there was no one whom i could open up to. maybe, his best friend, but there was no way i could possibly talk to him without feeling weird, or funny. maybe, my friends, but they think we're unbreakable; and if they try to confide, they'd tell me: "mga taong ganyan, kayang kaya kang iwan!" and so i try to pacify myself by saying things outright in this blog. i was so mad last night that i just wanted to strangle him to death. but of course i didn't. i killed time flipping every channel on tv, and reviewing for my cc 3 exams until i finally went into deep slumber.

i needed a sign from him. some sort of signal if i'd still hold on to him, or if he still wanted me to. i'm such a hopeless romantic dork doing things again for love. in a few week's time he'll be going abroad for work, and i hope i wouldn't say "i'll see you in two years" without feeling anxious about our relationship. i was sure we loved each other naman, but I want to stop feeling lonely and melodramatic. it's just so gay.

 

i just hope that whatever happens, i'm doing the right thing. for seven months i have been loving him, and i couldn't stop. i wished he feels the same for me, too.

Listening to: Fuck You (Very Much) by Lily Allen
Feeling: gay